Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
this is an emotional support booty call
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
