sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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