"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
