he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize