cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
