Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So squirting runs in the family.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
