This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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