I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
