Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
