Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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