pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize