i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
