Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So vagazzling was a success
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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