dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
