I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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