I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
