That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
