I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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