Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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