When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
