U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
