i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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