Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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