Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
