Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
