You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
