When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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