I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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