She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
