When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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