Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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