If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
