I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
