i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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