I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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