Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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