2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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