On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
