I think I am morally bankrupt
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
