Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
