Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
