so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
A+ Viking dick
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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