he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
