You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
