I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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