porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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