dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
