It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
