Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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