and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
