proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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