I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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