you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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