the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
