matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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