My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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