can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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