totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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