let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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