my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize