Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
