Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
