I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
