Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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