Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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