I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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