How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize