East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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