just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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