Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize