she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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