His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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