Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
