Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
