Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
