Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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