Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
