Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
