Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
