you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize