She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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