dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
