I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I just forgot I was standing up.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
