I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
