Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
