I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
he was CRYING into my vagina
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
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