Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
