he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
