Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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