im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
